I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
