hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
