I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize