I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
