Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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