Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
