a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
