drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
