we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
