I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
