Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
