I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
