I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He is an equal opportunity slut.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
