y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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