Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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