we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
