Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
