when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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