First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
