filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
