Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
