I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
