i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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