i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
