I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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