Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
