so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
