Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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