For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
