I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize