He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
