i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
