Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
