You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
