the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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