Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
