I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize