she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I look better un-naked...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
