do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize