mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
