I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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