if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
