In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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