i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She announced her abortion via fbk
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize