YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
