I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
