I smell stomach acid.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
