So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
