his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
