so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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