I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
