i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
