I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
