my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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