girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
