He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
