I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Randomize
