I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize