you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
