if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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