Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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