Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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