Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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