What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
