I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
